Well... I started writing this post back in February... yikes. That's a long time ago... but I never published it. Not sure why... anyway, this is it, unedited. Seems fitting to post a year later.
The past several months have been a whirlwind. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to express all the emotions I have felt during this process.
There was one night, though, that will probably stand out in my mind for a very long time, if not forever. The night we loaded the uhaul. We were in a relatively small house for our family size, but we had a LOT of stuff in it. The weeks prior to loading, my husband was out of town. Lets just say that packing was interesting with my husband gone and five kids to take care of... but somehow I had pretty much everything packed. The uhaul was there, everything was packed, and we had LOTS of dear friends that we L-O-V-E there to help us. By anyone's standard, we were ready to load up. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am normally a good decision maker, and a lot of times a take charge person. That night was so different, though. I felt like a deer in headlights and, for lack of a better word, I froze. It was like I was incapable of doing anything. It was strange. The house was nasty... the kitchen floor was coming up (we were having it replaced when everything was out)... but I didn't care. All these people in my house, and it didn't bother me even one little bit that it was gross. All our stuff wasn't going to fit, that was apparent, and I was having to make decisions about what to take and what to leave behind. Looking back I was pretty much worthless that night. I was functioning and smiling and having conversations, but when it came to anything that had to do with loading... I was pretty much worthless. I'd say the night was a blur, but I remember everything. Every conversation, every hug, every little detail is forever etched in my memory.
I've wondered off and on since the move why that night was that way. Maybe it's because I didn't want to leave? Maybe it's because, in that moment, the people around me were way more important to me than my stuff being loaded.... I honestly have no idea.
One thing people don't always realize about me is that I sometimes, at the end of the day, I go over the things I've said in public that day.... I think about what I regret saying and what I should have said differently... I think about the things people said to me and wonder how they are doing. Some days there is a lot of thinking for me to do!! Ha! :-) But, that night, I didn't do that. That night, I laid there and marveled at how loved I am. I was in disbelief at how many people care about me... really care... not just "oh, you're so awesome... I like your shoes" kind of like me... but "I am here for anything you need" love me.
